Slowly getting on with life. First off, I just have to say that I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends. Your emails and comments have helped to warm my little hurting heart. You're the best.

We're doing all right. Bryan's Mother came last Tuesday and it was so great to have her here. She helped to distract us from the pain and was there to help "redirect" Daniel's attention. (he had been very excited to get a little brother...) He still asks about "Sam" every once in a while and we have to remind him that he not coming to live with us anymore. It breaks my heart each time I have to tell him that. We will most likely do things very differently next time as far as he is concerned. I was worried about surprising him with a little sibling, I didn't want him to feel resentful towards the baby, but know I know that it's better for him to have to get used to an addition than for him to have to deal with such loss.
I think we're still a bit numb from it all, but I'm sure we'll have a chance to go through the whole grieving process.
We spent the weekend in Washington DC. It was a much needed break from the emptiness we felt at home. It was beautiful and WET. I'll share picture soon. I'm keeping myself busy filling etsy orders and creating things on the sewing machine. The best medicine is having busy hands.

We did put our profile back up on www.itsaboutlove.org (search under bryanandsuzanne), so we are officially back in the game. If any of you or anyone you know has any questions we'd love to help out. We may not know all of the answers, but can direct you to who does!

:::Sigh:::: the adoption fell through today. The baby was born on Sunday and the birthmother had me come in to watch and be with him while he was born, then we had him to ourselves all day Sunday. She seemed so sure in her decision. On Monday the birthfather's dad offered them a large chunk of money to keep the baby and today they decided to get married and raise the baby themselves. We are sad and feeling a little betrayed, I just wish that if she felt this uncertain about everything that she wouldn't have acted so sure and had us be such a big part of her life and of the baby's. Anyways, we're fine, we're just going to take a while to regroup and heal and figure out where we go from here. We'll probably take a bit of a break from people, so please don't be offended if we don't answer the phone, etc. for a while. Emails are fine and the messages that we've gotten have really helped us feel better and loved. Thanks for all the support and love that we've received, it helps more than you know.

So, keep us in mind and tell people that we're "back on the market" for a baby who needs an awesome family.

Love you all.

Suzanne

Remembering 9/11/01


I remember exactly where I was do you? I was a student at BYU and I had just stepped out of the shower when my roomate Kelly walked into the hallway and said "bad things are happening Suzanne..... " I went into her bedroom with her and listened to the radio (I'm glad at least one of us was intune with the world!) where we heard the report of the second plane stiking the other tower live. I'll never forget the sense of panic and helplessness that felt like they were going to burst from my chest. There was nothing I, a 21 yr old college student in Utah, could do to help all of these suffering people. Every bit of me wanted to rush to New York and help find survivors. As it was there was a sister in my ward who's father worked in the WTC who couldn't reach her family, I'll bet my sense of helplessness was nothing compared to hers. Fortunately at this point my appartment didn't have a tv, or I know I would have been unable to tear myself away from the news coverage the whole day. I went onto campus and everyone was in shock. I walked through the bookstore and had to pick my way through crowds of students who were crying and hugging while they watched events unfold on the tv. In the "quad" between the bookstore and the HFAC there was a drama professor wearing his I "heart" NY shirt collecting money to aid those affected. (this was at 9 or 10 am, everybody had the same feeling I did, they wanted to do anything they could) I walked into my class expecting to find a bunch of shocked students and a professor trying to comfort them. Instead I found that our professor had gone on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening and they still took attendance. I found that that was what really disturbed me that day, not how different the day was, but how many things were the same in the face of such a tragedy. I think I made it through about 3 minutes of lecture before I told the TA (who I was sitting next to) that I had to leave. I just couldn't handle sitting in a class talking about medieval music while people were dying. I think I grew up a lot that day as I watched the horrific events of that day uncensored. It's a day I'll never forget and I hope I don't struggle to remember.


Besides all of the horrible things that happened that day a lot of incredible things happened as well. I really loved something Pres. Bush said today during the dedication of the pentagon memorial, he said (something to the effect of....)
"That day as the Towers fell, Heroes rose." We saw some pretty incredible people do some pretty amazing things that day.

So, I've had a lot of people ask me about my new little shop and I finally realized that I forgot to tell everyone on my blog about it. So, here it is... I've started a little Etsy shop. ;) My sister named it for me and it's a very fitting name, it's exactly what I am: The Little Middle Sister . (Since with 8 of us there really isn't a middle, and if there were a middle, I'd be right below it) I make and sell lots of cute little girl clothes and am trying to come up with some cute little boy clothes too. (it's always soooo much harder to find little boys clothing)(well cute clothing anyways!) I've started this venture to help offset the costs of adoption, so every penny I make right now goes towards those costs. It's a great creative outlet for me and a hobby that pays for itself, which is very helpful! :) I've had quite a few special orders already and I'm having a lot of fun with it too. Here are a few pictures of some of the things I've made.

So I've been seriously neglectful of my blog. I hope to remedy that in the near future! We're just ending our vacation in Utah with all of our family and time has just flown by! The weekend after the family reunion in Bear Lake with Bryan's family we headed up to Island Park in Idaho to spend some time with my family. I had never been up in that part of Idaho and it is gorgeous!!! We stayed in a beautiful cabin on the lake and were able to get right in the water from there. I really wish I could have brought my camera with me on the Wave Runner, the land around the lake was just beautiful. It was fun for me to see my siblings out in the water having fun, it was some of their first time's in a boat and on jet skis. (really, really wish I had pictures of that!) Daniel LOVED hanging out with his cousins, poor Jared had a shadow the whole time...

Mercifully, the cabin had a kids room full of toys. Daniel thought it was the coolest thing ever.

We finally gave in a bought him a new swimsuit. We'd already been back to the house twice for forgotten items before we remembered that we'd left his suit. I figured at the point we were at it would be faster and easier to just buy a new one. Bad girl, I know. (but he is pretty dang cute though) I've decided that I love this kind of a suit for a little boy because he doesn't get burned on his little back!